you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
