And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
