I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
