I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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