He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
My friends, they love my intelligence
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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