Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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