i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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