and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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