I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Let's paint friendship bongs
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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