I'm so fucking centered right now
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
