I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
