fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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