Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
