dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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