It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
