I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
