I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
