Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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