just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize