i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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