She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
