btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
