if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
