so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
