Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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