careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
