Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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