There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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