I'm pants shitting drunk right now
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
oh god the rape fog is back!
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
