Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
