my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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