Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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