Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
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