I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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