Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
