Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
