it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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