you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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