i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
