My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
