There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
