I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
