so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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