Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
