I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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