so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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