I'm so fucking centered right now
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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