Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
