I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
