STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
