jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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