I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
two words: eviction party
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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