I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
We are two peas in an std pod
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
