i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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