On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm bleeding and have questions
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
