My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
