I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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