no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
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