Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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