if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
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After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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