Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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