I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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