real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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