I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
