Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Randomize
