i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Randomize