i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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