Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
