Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
