he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
