Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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