# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just gargled with NyQuil
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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