i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
