"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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