I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
FUCK WHALES
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
