I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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